Just Start

Loose Threads, swirling inner worlds & learning to share messily

I’m trying to work out how to become a person who shares more of themselves. (Maybe you are too?) Who lets the insides out, and so lets others in. The insides are the guts part. The sharing is the gutsy part. Both are magic.

More specifically, I’m trying to work out how to do this without feeling judged (by myself and/or ‘Them’), itchy, distracted and panicky.

I think I’ve been trying to work this out forever – learning it slowly my whole life. For many of us, this stuff doesn’t come easy. But there is a big difference between how this endeavour used to feel, when I was buried by shyness and social anxiety, and how it feels now. Then, it was a dragging, sad, cruel pain. Now, it’s a sweet-and-sour juicy challenge.

I’ve gone quiet these last few months. Partly because I’m in a restorative phase of reimagining how Gutsy exists in the world. But partly, lately, it’s been this same old struggle: there are so many ideas swirling around that I don’t quite know where to start.

One of the ways I understand what goes on for me – with this thing we could call shyness or social anxiety – is a struggle to translate what goes on in my head and my heart into words that seem correct or appropriate for sharing.

I often talk about the universes swirling inside because I, and so many of the folks I work with, have these incredibly rich inner worlds. And, often, it feels like a huge amount of work to wrangle the thoughts into a reasonable, sensical order – where to start, where to end, what to include or exclude, what words to choose. A massive crunchy awkward slow hurdle. That sometimes becomes a wall.

Side point that is also a main point (a ‘loose thread’, perhaps?)…

While I often find this feeling-thought-word wrangling difficult and sticky, I have learned not to hate it because I have done exactly this in my work as an editor for nearly 20 years! I’m grateful every day that I’ve found a job I love – and one that is very introvert-friendly.

From that perspective, it makes no sense to berate myself for a dedication to getting the right words in the right order to express the thought or feeling as best I can. So I try to embrace it instead.

At the heart of what I’m weaving into the next phase of Gutsy is a celebration of quiet and introvert ways of being, and a deep acceptance of shyness and anxiety as reasonable and wise aspects of human experience – all of which can co-exist alongside a desire to grow, find ease and build confidence in groups and social situations.

What if quiet isn’t a weakness, shyness isn’t a sickness, and self-consciousness isn’t a wrinkle that needs to be ironed out?

What if you could take steps towards living a fully expressed life without judging who you are right now – without telling yourself you should be more confident, less afraid, more outgoing?

What if change was about drawing out your gifts, not bullying yourself into fitting some dominant norm?

[🪢Loose thread trails off…]

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Currently obsessed with learning to crochet so my desk (left) is incomprehensible turmoil but look what pretty things come of it!

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So the practice continues to accept my word-wrangling brain as it is – and also, sometimes there are habits and skills (even survival skills) that we develop in one part or time of life, that don’t serve us in another part or time.

Learning to be a little more fast-and-loose with my speaking – and with my writing, sometimes, when I choose to – is freeing. It can also be a gift for those who receive it. (Learning this lesson changed my life – I’ll share that story one day.)

Doing improv really helped me with this. In improv you just have to start. Hopefully you find a safe, kind group of people to practice with. And what you learn is that something will come. You’re a baby bird jumping off a cliff and trusting your wings will flap.

(And if they don’t flap, that you won’t die, and that you won’t be mean to yourself about it afterwards. This takes support and practice. And then it changes everything.)

You might have a crunchy start, but the more you trust, the more you play, the more you don’t second-guess your first thought – more and more comes, and it gets better and better.

So here I am (re)starting, flapping and trusting. Not taking it too seriously, allowing myself to play. And remembering that this is not a test, not a minefield of potential traps and pitfalls, but rather an adventure, a playground, an experiment.

This is how I used to feel about every conversation; how I used to feel about life. Learning to improvise changed all that.

So while I keep plotting my little plots, visioning my visions for Gutsy Version 2.0, I’m learning to share the imperfect process, expose the work-in-progress and open up some of the inner wrangles.

I am also running a monthly gathering called Loose Threads.

Wanna come?!

There’s a whole tangled story about how Loose Threads came to be – involving sharing circles, a lovely childhood teaching assistant, Romanian embroidery, and my recent obsession with crochet – but I’m going to save that for next time.

The first gathering of Loose Threads last month

For now, here’s what you need to know: Loose Threads is a free monthly gathering where we craft together and have the kinds of conversations that happen when your hands are busy and the pressure’s off. It’s anxiety-friendly, introvert-welcoming and designed for those of us who find depth and rest in quieter ways of being together.

Next one is this Thursday 14 November
6.30–8.30pm
Something Good Workshops in Deptford, south London

Bring your own craft project (knitting, crochet, embroidery, whatever you’re working on) or just come and I’ll have some bits and bobs you can play with. It’s not about skill or being good at anything. It’s about the magic of making things with your hands while sharing space with others.

This is only our second gathering, so we’re still finding our feet. If you haven’t been before, you’re very welcome. If you have been before, I’m delighted you’re coming back.

And if coming feels like a huge step – if you know you’re going to be really anxious but you want to come anyway – I’d especially love you to be there. Drop me a note or DM beforehand. You can come early and help me set up if that helps you settle in. Or just let me know you’re feeling nervous and I’ll keep an eye out for you. We can experiment together with what you need in order to feel good.

Let’s just start. Something will come.